Well things are ok I guess. What I know is that  nothing excited is going on in my life. Period. I work and work. Hopefully things will start to look up for me. I interview with my boss tomorrow and I am nervous as hell cause I hate interviews. I pray it goes well.

I do know that my drving ticket incident went real well. I got off paying a big sum of money (not as big as I thought though)  but I still can drive though :-) that is something to really be happy about. But I am broke.

I finding myself slipping into a bit of depression. I guess its cause I am feeling quite lonley. My roommates boyfriend is back in town for a while. And I guess he is staying here till he leaves again. Truthfully I have never been more happy for my girl. She has truely found herself a good person. I only wish them them the best. I cant help but to feel a lil bit sad cause I wish that I had someone that I truely loved like that or someone that adored me the way he adores her. Its really hard when you are surrounded by people that have husbands or boyfriends and here I am chillin on myown. The only guys that come into my life are the wrong ones. It seems like I try to focus on other things in my life like trying to start acareer. But it seems that I am not motivated to even do that. (except for the fact that I have bills) I just feel that I am not as happy as I used to be. I live to work and pay bills. Oh yeah and to eat. I will admit I am very blessed. I have the best mother and brother in the world, good friends a job that pays fairly decent and good health. All of that should be all I need to keep a smile plastered on my face.........I just cant help to feel a major void in my life.

This blog update is for my girlie Kimmy..........enjoy!!!

Lets start with today's events.......

Today was grand. Work was completely dead. Sure we did have those customers that wanted to bitch and moan but that was it, it was still dead for the most part. Since it was boring my and my co workers talked about an array of topics. One of those topics was sex.......Me and my girl both went to college together and knew some of the same people. We just never talked for some odd reason. We got to talking about what dudes we liked atour school and I knew all her guys and she knew all of mine. Including my neighbor that I was (and still is in some ways) head over heels for. That was her best friend. So we were talking about college days and it was great. The only thing is that after I talked with her about my neighbor, I really started to miss him........a lot. Although our "romance" was short lived I really developed true feelings about him. I kinda packed away any feelings I had for him because I just feel that it wouldnt work out. I poured out all my feelings for him to her. She thinks I should tell him but I cant because I dont think he feels for me like that. He hasbeen on my mind ever since and it is killing me. I truely miss him though

In my last entry I talked about a guy that I heard wanted to be with me. Yeah that is a negative. My theory on that is my bitch of an ex-boss started a rumor about us and it got back to me. One night while we were bowling, he approached me saying "you kno that there is a rumor saying that we dating" so that futher assured me that it was nothing......now if I can only shake him from my dreams.........

There is one guy that is practically forcing me to be with him. He has been a friend of mine for years and Ithought long and hard about being with him. I have no doubt in my mind that he would be a good man  for me. The problem is that he is layin all these expectations on me. He tells me how much he has to see me and that he demands 100% of me and not parts of me. I was very intimidating by this and started to avoid him. At first I didnt know why. I even let him come by because he pretty much said that if I kept rejecting him from coming by that we can forget it. He stayed over (no sex) and I would barely let him touch me. I was very cold towards him. And it suddenly hit me. I dont want to be with him because I feel too forced. When it comes to relationships I want to take my time. I am at the stage in my life that I want to find someone to settle down with and jumping in and out of relationships are not it. He wants to rush and I dont and he doesnt like that and I told him that either we take it slow or down worry about it. So he says that he can only do it for so long because he is the one that has to be in the driver seat. Naw..........I forgot for a second what kind of woman I really am. I will not be forced into anything that I am not sure of. I dont care who you are orhow long Ive known you. He doesnt call that much now. We are meant to be friends........nothing more.

Lastly I actually went on a date with this extremly quiet guy.We met at my friends cookout. Hes nice and all but like I said hes too damn quiet. We went bowling which is an activity that requires you to talk which he barely did. So we played like 5 games and it was like he talked 20% of the time. I am an outgoing person. He is extremely shy. At the end of the date I got a goodbye......no hug or kiss. Okay I understand it was a first day but damn can a sista get a hug.........needless to say it was nice going on date but we were better off seeing a movie. At least them he'd have to be quiet.

I am still debating whether or not to go to drving school before my court date which is in a week. I got a copy of my driving record and one of my tickets (which happens to be my worse) is not there.  I have a balance of 0 points on my record which is sorta a good things. If I go to school (again) I get 5 good points which may be there before court. But if I wait till court, there may be a chance that they may espunge the ticket from my record if they sentence me to go to school. But there may be a chance that they may take my licence, so I think I may just go to school. Well time is running out so I need to decide.

Well I am going to bed now. I hope this is a good update for you Kim :-)

Damn its been over a month!!!! A lot has happened..... lets see if I can cover all of it

Blessfully I am now 23 years old. Thats whats up. I didnt do much for my birthday. Well I did manage to get a reckless ticket in a work zone so who knows what the deal is for that. I am praying that I dont get my license taken away. Its been 2 years since I last got a ticket so I am hoping that plays a part in it. I will do the whole driving school thing before the big ol court date.

I had some of the worse tooth pain I could ever imagine. I never knew tooth pain could have you break down and cry. I couldnt take it anymore so I manage to get a spur of the moment dentist appointment. Low and behold it was my wisdom teeth. One was almost gone cause of thp.e decay. Ironically that one didnt bother me until after it was pointed out. The other ones were pushing inward making other teeth and nerves hurting. Well needless to say I got them out the following week. To my surprise It went real good. I was put to sleep (that was fabulous!!) and I woke up to my mouth numb and my mind in space and NO PAIN. 3 weeks later I am living good.,.........now I just gotta go back to get some cavities filled......

I finally had to quit my electronic hellhole job. My managers tried to play stupid and act like they didnt know my schedule at my other job was not set the same each week. So I said Ill put in my two weeks. Oh well I am kinda glad I dont work there anymore because I got tired of the weak ass pay and the lazy ass managers. But I do miss my friends over there. I am glad that I can still hang with them. That tells me that they are true friends instead of friends that I only see at my job.

As for my new job............its really hard to day. I like it but I am fed up with the customers. Their attitudes are so bad and it sucks that I cant cuss them out. They come in they the place and you try so hard to be nice to them but they belittle you and treat you like shit, Then they dont want to hear what you got to say like you dont know what they hell you talkin about. Ive worked in customer service for a while now and it has it days. I can deal with customers attitudes. I just cant deal with the way they feel they can talk to you any kind of way, like you are some child. I actually found myself missing my old job. It was a bigger place so I could walk around and do other jobs and actually solve problems. Here at my new job, I am in a smaller place and I am not trained to do that much so I feel helpless. Sometimes I wonder why I continue to go back to the industry that I am growing to despise. Then I think, maybe if I were in a higher position then it wouldnt be as bad. But people in higher positions get it worse. Maybe I am tired of being at the bottom, I have the drive to move up but I wonder when that will ever happen........its like I dont know what to do with my career. I have the degree, I have the smarts, I have the experience. So why is it so hard???

My personal life isnt that serious. I been hanging out here and there. Going to bars and trying out new shots.....Trying to make new friends.

In terms of my love life. There really is none. There are those that want to be part of my love life but none that I really want to consider. I think there are 2 prospects. One person claims that he wants to be with me but I seriously doubt it. I say this because that person went and told my ex manager (out of all people) that me and him were going to hook up. That could have meant many different things. This guy on the other hand isnt the type of person to sleep around. But I honestly think that nothing is going to happen because it is all a bunch of talk. He has yet to call me to get to know me, or even ask me out on a date, thus not wanting to approach me at least in my eyes. So that is a no go. The only thing is why would he bother to even go thru the trouble of telling someone otherwise. That is what is really bothering me.........

The other option is someone I'e dealt with before. Its hard for me to even write it out. Ill write it at a later date...........right now I think I wrote out enough. Im out

Well its been well over a week since I even looked at this thing. I really havent had the energy to write in this thing.I just wait until I have so much on my mind like a time like this so my entries could actually mean something........

I have a new job now. I work for a popular cell phone company as a greeter. At the moment I dont do anything but tell people where to go or listen to people bitch about their cell phone. I feel useless because I am so use to doing everything and running around in big stores. Well that is the complete opposite at this job. I pretty much stay in one spot which I am trying to get used to. But the funny thing about it is that I dont mind at all because I am actually getting paid better money that what the electronic hellhoe is paying me. I like the people I work with.......alot. They are all so down to earth and not uptight like half the people I work with in the other place. The whole atmposhere is opposite from what I am used to. I can actually approach the managers there. Hell they encourage it!! They actually do their jobs there and not pawn it off on other people. I really like that cause I know what a TRUE manager is.  I have developed relationships with all of my co workers. They are characters within themselves. I really want to work there legit.....I am working thru a temp agency so I am not totally with the company........so I am praying to work for the actual company but I know it is going to take some effort but I am more than willing to do that.

As for my other job.....well needless to say I am still there but I work there like once every 2 days. I dont think they are too happy that I got another job not that I care. They knew how unhappy I am there and why. The funny thing is that I do kinda miss the place. Mainly my co workers. I made some good friends over there and I miss them. They were (and still is) my support system, they knew how I felt and was there for me. But at the same time I dont think I can deal with the management anymore which is why I think I am going to submit my 2 weeks soon. Still need to sort some things thru.

Last entry I mentioned I reunited with a guy and was so happy. Well honesly things are slippin right back into past. The guy really hasnt changed like he said. All the things he said he was going to do, I have yet to see. No real date, no real conversations, nothing. When we do spend time together we watch TV or sit on the couch and do nothing. One time we did play monopoly which was fun but I want more than that. We havent had a real conversation except for the ones that played catch up. I really dont know anything about him except the past and frankly we are stuck there and for some reason we are not moving anywhere because I am the one who is trying to make the effort but he isnt. At least not the way he claimed he was. I am starting to wonder if we should have stayed where we were which was in the past. I am not about to work for something that is not going to happen unless you working with me.

I am extremly pissed with my ex. Its my own fault for having faith in someone like that. We dont talk anymore except for the times when it is convient for him. He is doing a lot in his life to make himself better and for that I applaud him. Thursday night he sent a text messsage saying that he really wanted to see me and I told him that is he was serious that he could and if he wasnt to call me because he has a habit of saying he wants to do alot and never does or calls to explain why. I knew in my heart that he wasnt coming because he is just inconsiderate like that. But for some reason I expected different this time but as usual I was let down and I have yet to recieve a call to explain why or to even say "Im sorry" so I called him because I am over it. He didnt answer (go figure) so I left a message tellin him that it is not cool to be an ass like that......I have yet to get a response. I am done. I am tired of guys taking and taking and not giving a damn thing back........I need to pray to get over these guys. They pop up in my life and talk all this mess about "Ive changed" or "I have to see you" or "Ive missed you" but do NOTHING!!!! I am always stuck making their asses work for their own words. I am not raising no man, if you say you are going to do something DO IT!!! I dont need to remind you that you said these things and need to back up your words. I am movin on, its not going to be an overnight process, since the guys that are hurting me were not pop ups, Ive had histories with these guys and its not easy to just let them go.......but the more I sit back and see how they are hurting me, the more I see why I let their asses stay in the past.

Had to get all that off my chest. Gotta wake up in 5 hours.

Once again its been a while. That is cause I have been enjoying life........lets see if I can remember everything

I love my apartment now, the only thing is that I am far away from everything, its like an extra 10-15 minutes to get everywhere and it sucks. Also the bills just seems to keep coming in.........yeah its official

Ive finally found another job that is paying me llike 3 dollars more than my other job which is great. I may try to keep my current job (sadly) cause this new job is thru a temp agency and after 6 months, there is a huge chance that I will get let go if there are no open positions. We'll see though.

So I've been trying to go out all the time. and these are some of the places I've been since mylast entry

I went to my first "real" stripper show. It was downright amazing. I mean one word sums it up...........WOW. I have a friend that strips and he was there. It was a bit awkward but intiging. He was shocked to see me and my roomie there. There were some beautiful men there. Needless to say, there is another show in a few weeks and I will be there. Its about to be on and poppin

I went to my first country bar and I hated it. I went cause my friend dragged me there and that is my boy. I thought it was supposed to be like a Coyote Ugly place and it wasnt. Granted it was a nice place and all but I was not into that type of crowd. So we ended up going to our special place and I drank all night and had jello shooter that tasted great. I think I need to make some soon. :-)

My latest adventure was different. I went to a club started to get bored. Me and my roomie got a drink and got very tipsy. I saw a guy that I used to mess with. He was one of the bad guys that was always lied and whatnot. I don't care too much for him, but its been a year since I spoke with him and its no point in holding a grudge so I talked with him and I was very non chalant. I guess he thought that I was really going to try to get at him and that was a negative. I danced with him and everything.........keep in mind I was seriously tipsy. On a flip side I did meet a guy there. He lives in Balitmore which sucks cause he was real nice. We went on a group date playing minature golf. That was real fun.Then we talked for hours. That was refreshing, I dont get dates like that let alone a date at all, but it was cool being with someone that was trying to know you instead of getting physical. I only see it growing into a friendship if that since he is about 3 hours away and he has 2 kids and all. But it was a good date.

Speaking of dates.......one of my old friends contacted me and we got to talking. I hadn't talked to him or seen him in years. I was with someone at the time and it wasnt going to work. Plus this guy had temper issues and dealing with him would be like dealing with my boyfriend at the time. Now me and him are older and I was able totell him why I never pursued him and he understood. Basically he told me that we really wants to take me out and get to know me because he missed us hanging together. So needless to say I may be back in the dating game soon..........I hope.

Well that is what the last few weeks were all about.......Im tired.

~Holla

Well now I am back on the net and I've missed it. I am settling in my new place and I am feeling much better. It was a very hard move for me because I felt like I wasnt ready. I will admit it is stressful cause there is so much money and time that goes into it but that is all part of really growing up.

Work is still work. I hate it much more. I've made a goal to try and get another job within a month because I really cannot take it. I am over every detail of my job. I dont even know what I want to do I just want to leave that hell hole.

I though about fighting that incident with my privacy being violated. But I came to the conclsion that Its not worth it. Its impossible to fight people higher than you in retail. Especially when they dont like you. They will all bond together and  make me look bad and they have already succeeded in that. Granted I will say that they will never ever try to approach me with bullshit again because I will tell em off but I dont feel like fightin anymore. I need to focus on something that will move me up in my career.

I've been trying to have fun in between all hatin work and moving in. I recently hung out with all the GOOD people I work with. I had what was probably the best time in a long time. We all drank (some of us got really drunk) and danced (I mean really danced) and I flirted (real hard) with one of my co workers. It felt real good

I've come to the conclusion that my tummy isnt strong anymore. I went to the carival and got on the spider (that is what I call it) and I got so sick......I know I cant go on certain rides because I know the effects. But I knew I could ride this ride cause that was my favorite ride. But I guess I couldnt take it. I still havent really recovered from it cause I am still naseated. Ill still do the roller coasters though. I can handle that. At least I think I can.........

I still talk to my neighbor oer the phone. I really miss him. We talked over an hour last night and it was cool. He may come down for a weekend in July but I will believe it when I see it.

I was trying to see my Ex, or better yet make it so we can talk again on a regular basis but he is seriously bullshittin. Therefore that is more than enough signs to say forget it. I am tired of being the one calling and trying to rekindle. He always says that he is going to try harder but I am done with it. I made a promise to myself to not sweat after any dude. So its been a good 4 year relationship but I am worth getting someone that will give me the time of day.

Well Im done for the moment........lets pray for a good weekend.

Once again I've neglected writing in this thing because I just havent had the drive,time or dedication to express what was going on in my life. There has been so much going with my life right now. Hell the past 3 days have taken a toll on me alone. There is so much coming up in the next few days, I am questioning myself can I really make it.

First things first. I've made some enemies at my job. Its amazing how people will ask your opinion and feedback of a job, but what they really want is for you is to lie and sugarcoat everything just to make themselves look good and I am not the one.

Lately I have been totally unhappy with myjob. I actually had an outburst at work because that is how much my job was getting to me. I get paid very little for what I do. Yes I've looked for other jobs and I am continuing to look for jobs. Hell its not easy for a new Busn Grad to get their foot in the door without letting someone use you as a doormat just to prove your dedication.

My supervisors constantly ask me what I want to do and I constantly tell them but I get the same reponse eachandevery time. So I do better. I do what they ask of me and I still get the same response. What do I do? I as to go to a different part of the company. All hell breaks loose.......now these "managers" do more to deter me from leaving my department. Such motivation, and keep in mind I go thru this all the time

Yesterday I was asked to participate in a roundtable discussion with an HR rep of my company. There were 4 other co workers that came from other depts to voice what their concerns were. I was given a list beforehand by some people in my department to discuss some issues. I felt the discussion went well. I did my share of the talking and so did the others. We all came to the conclusion that a lot of the problems stemmed from the manangement of the company. This HR person swore that our info would be personal.........I was wrong.

Today I was approached by my manager. She questioned me about something that I specifically said which tells me that someone opened their mouth. Not only that, that specific statement was completly wrong. I had been misquoted on everything that I said. Forget the fact that there were 4 other people that felt the same way as me, it was all me. I was the one that bitched about the company. I was going to the meeting in the first place to be a spokesperson for all of those that were afraid to speak which is my whole department. But it all got turned around. So I spend half my shift talking to my manager about what I really said and how I really felt about my job. Needless to say that was worthless.......she pretty much disagreed with all of my statements and refuse to acknowledge that she was part of the problem. So to make this dry ass story short, I wont be surprised if I am fired by the end of the week or if I am allowed to work there I will be hated by management because I spoke the truth in my own "ghetto professional" way.......whatever the fuck that is. People arent ready for an outspoken person......... I really want that job now.........

Another hardship is that I am moving into my own place in 2 days and I am no where near ready. I am scared because its hitting me that I am really growing up and its coming out of no where. Even though I know its going to work out, I cant help but feeling the way I feel about this on my own thing.

My neighbor went back up north and I am real sad about it. We grew so close and as soon as I get real confortable around him, he leaves. Its so hard to find that guy that you can chill hard with and no worry about anything else. I had that and I wanted to keep that............I try not toget attached but that went down the drain as soon as he kissed me...........

Im out.......

Well lets see a lot has happened over the past few days......

I guess I can just sum up everything that has happened. It won't be an exact timeline but it good enough

I went to another special place and once again hadthe time of my life. It took some time to get there cause one of my friends misread the directions.......once we got there it was on. the show itself was mediocore but the folks I was with made my time the best. For the most part, all I did was drink. The drinks I had were so good. Then I drank some of my friends drink. Together we tripped out. I saw a guy from HS that I did not reconize cause he dropped like 80 lbs I wasnt surprised to see him there, I knew he was into that.

Hmmm.....I've been hangin with my neighbor like its noones business. I can say that we are becoming if we aren't already good friends. He's a sweetie. I just hope we can KIT after he leaves. He did the nicest thing for me, I've been having this kick ass toothache to the point where I am in tears, he actually came thru and tucked me my bead and kissed me goodnight. Ok it wasn't a serious Romeo act, but I dont have too many times where a guy does something nice for me.........(sigh)

My memorial day weekend was kinda crap. I spent money to pretty much was around  and tire myself out. My tooth has been preventing me to really have any fun, so that just added to my bordem. The good thing that came out of it was that I saw another HS buddy of mine. He was actually an old crush of mine. It was real good to see him. He gave me a look like he knew he wished he could have kept in touch with me. Oh well. We didnt exchange numbers and I figured that it was for the best. Some thigs you just have to let go.

I saw "The Longest Yard" this weekend as well. That was a good movie to my surprise. Real funny.............

Work is ok........still looking for another job.

I am trying to think if I want to add anything else. Naw........nothing else really happened. Story of my life........

This weekend was better after I got rid of my tension headache. I got to converse with two people that I havent talked to in so long

One of those people I thought I would never talk to again. I did something to him that I was not proud of and I figured that he cut me off. But then again we had been friends for over 10 years so if he was going to throw away a friendship like that then we werent meant tobe friends. Anyhoo we solved that quick and now its water under the bridge.....We talked for a long time and I miss him dearly. I am supposed to see him sometime this week.........

The second guy is another real good friend of mine. I missed him so much as well. He actually came up to see me. He told me that we were getting married in a year. He had the date picked out and everything........wow. I was like "Can I get a ring first" then I was like "Can I be in love with you first" he said well dont you love me??........I had to really think on that. Yes I do love him but I know that I am not in love with him. Not sure if I could ever be. Hell I dont think he is in love with me. That is a head scratcher

Both of the guys have so much in common its sad.......the only difference is that one is chocolate and the other is vanilla. Otherwise they could be twins..........damn.

Anyhoo I finally bought my living room set. Well my roommate and I did. I financed it so we will both be payin on it. Hopefully it will get paid off in 6 months. Now all I need is a bed and a wardrobe and I am good.........

I got like a shitload of hours at work and its cool except I am tired of the job. I am there to get a paycheck.......but it is so hard to get a job. But that is not going to stop me from applying.

Napster isnt as fun as I thought........now my Zen isnt as fun anymore. I may have to get another computer for real in order to keep all the music. Right now my comp is running so slow cause my entire hard drive is almost taken. I might as well get another comp cause I have no sound or memory, yeah its time.

Today was unbearable. I had what was probably the worst tension headache in the world. Normally Iwould get my normal sinus headaches but due to some recent events, I knew that it was allll tension. It wasnt any better when all of your co workers tell you that they can look at your face and tell that something was seriously wrong. They all told me the same thing, that I looked like I was about to either seriously snap or beat someones ass. It was both in this case. What got me going was something so simple and something that really wasnt worth me getting all tensed up. But right now it is something. I dont even feel like typing it because I will get myself tensed up all before I go to bed. I came home from work to sleep and when I got up I felt so drained.........its sad when you spend time thinking that hard that your body can't even get used to it. I abused myself mentally and I need to never do that again because its not good for me, especially when the problem is not life threatening.

I was even so stressed that my roommate and I smoked a black and mild. I do that when I am SUPER stressed. It kinda helped cause when I came home I was trippin hard off of Dave Chapelle (even though that is funny anyway) Afterward I went to Fridays to get a drink..........that didnt really help.

I am calming down even though I am still a bit stressed. I need to rekindle some things, in fact I just did............I am a bit happy now...........ok I am talking out the side of my head so that iscue to take my behind to bed.......night

Since school is the only thing I know at this current moment, my metaphor will be school related

After failing at so many times to find a major, you finally pick one. You start to really think that this path is for you. You study right, you do all that is required of you you even pass all of the tests.Every now and then you'll get some negativity but you overcome it.  At the final exam, you feel very confident, you just knew that this exam was going to go the way you wanted. But alas, it didn't go well,you totally bombed the exam of the major that you felt was so right.............you feel like you've been rejected.

Key word of the night

Right now I am not in the best of moods. I went to my job to see them bastards only give me 10 hours next week. I was so pissed it wasnt even funny, I was on the verge of tears, I am out of college and I will have my own place soon so I will have more bills and I cant live with that amount of hours, and the job market is not exactly that friendly. Luckily one of my seniors looked out for me and gave me another shift but that still gives me like 17 hours. To somewhat live I need like 25-35 hours a week. I found out that my boss did the schedule for the first time in months. When she does the schedule she cuts my hours, so I went back and talked to the manager that always looks out for me and she said she'll do something...........we'll see.

Furniture shopping is a bitch...........I have nothing else to say on that

So yeah I found out that my neighbor and his roommate are true freaks, my neighbor is a reserved one but his boy is wayyyyyyy out there. I found out about his entire sex life in a matter of minutes. Its all good cause we need folks that are sexually liberated........but sorry I cant get down like that.  So far my neighbor has been my salvation in my world of bordem. The more I hang with him, the more it sucks that its going to end. Yes its still early but he's real cool and the person I have needed all along just to hang with (maybe among other things.......hmmmm) Ok I need to not think about it and just go along with the flow of things........whatever Gods intentions are I have to accept it........but its real funny that two entries ago I was talkin about how I needed someone to chill with and along came my neighbor, thats whats up.

Ok my Zen is callin for me..........

Well in my last entry I stated that Windows XP was working well, even though it is, I have no sound on my computer because I guess my sound card is outdated and I mad at that but I guess I will have to get used to that..........That is more money I will have to put into my oldie..... it was a matter of time before I discovered something.

On a happier note, I am still lovin my Zen Micro. I am downloading music on it as we speak. Its going to be a while to get ALL the music I want on it. Then when I do, I gotta start making playlists which is the harder part. I've made 3 already.

Yesterday one of my former "partners" text me and basically asked me to come over. Granted I havent heard from him in months and the only type of relationship we had was physical. So I got kinda irritated with him because Ive repeatedly told him that I am over that and unless you are going to really be someone worthwhile I will not be your booty call. So I finally told him to not ask anymore because thats all he asks me. He could  care less about how I am doing, its all about sex and I am really not about that anymore. Oh well, it was cool while it lasted.

I had to do the same thing with another guy. He wonders why I dont call anymore. I was starting to like him until he kept pressuring sex and I had to drill it in his head that I am over that. He hears but doesnt listen and I dont have time to repeat myself so thats over

The past two days I've been hangin with my Neighbor. Sadly we just really started talkin. I've known him for a while but we've never hung out. Last night he was over my place till 4am. We were just chillin and talkin. It was nice. Today we went to Hooters and it was cool. We tripped out. Turns out we have alot in common and he likes to talk just like me. It kinda sucks cause he stays in Northern Va and hes leaving about the same time as me so I cant really hang with him like I'd want to. I wont even go into anything else cause I KNOW its not happening. I can see us just chillin till we leave. We may or may not keep in touch. Right Now I cant even think about that, too early to predict.

Side Note: I really hate developing crushes that cant be fulfilled.

I really need to get back into Jobhunting. I guess I am fustrated cause I still dont know what I want to do with myself, guess I will have to keep trying til I find that right job.

Since Ive graduated, I redid my entire resume and it looks pretty good. Now the hard part is getting a good job. I am confident that I will find it, the question is where...........

This weekend was ok I guess. Didnt really do anything worth while. Friday I went to eat and came home and drank with my girls........that was ok but old. Went to bed very early that night

Saturday I worked all day and did one loooong ass road trip to VaBch with hopes of getting into a club but that was not happening. Even though I am from there, Ill stick to eating in VaBch, not clubbin there.

Sunday. I bought Windows XP for my old ass computer. I figured since I needed my grad money to buy furniture for my new place, a new computer is definitly on hold. It took the WHOLE day to install it but I am using it now and it is working good. I really bought it so I can start putting music on to my Zen..........I am really glad I bought XP.........lot cheaper than buyin a new computer. Looks like my oldie computer will be with me for at least another year.........

So for the rest of my Sunday I have been bouncing back and forth between playing Mario Bros 3 on my game boy and downloading music on to my Zen............I love my Zen. I can see now that I will spend the week taking all of my favorite songs and putting them on my Zen......yeah my life is sooooooooo great!!!!!!

As for my love life.............there still is none. I dont even have anyone to hang with. I can even say that I am a tad bit lonely. I am just looking for someone to chill with and have a good time, but that seems to be so damn hard to find. Guess is a sign to say focus on other mess..........but theres no harm in wanting it. Oh well Guess its going to be me, my game boy, my Zen, and my books this summer.........as well as looking for that dream job of course.........:P Oh yeah cant forget my new home.........

First off let me say that I am now a proud graduate............I have a degree in Business Administration with a concentration of management and it sounds soooooo good.

Alright now let me fill in the events before hand......

Friday night

I went to the movies with some buddies of mine and went to go see House of Wax. That was a gross movie. To think that someone would actually torture people like that fact ot fiction is way beyond me. It wasnt the greatest movie in the world but it was ok. Afterwards we went to a new club spot and I actually had the best time in the world. The music wasnt that great but the company was the best. I partied with one of my sales managers. Can't get better than that. Had someone buy me 3 drinks and felt nice........what a way to celebrate

Saturday.

It was graduation.........it was nice. All of my family came from above and beyond. There was one person that should have been there but wasnt. It hurt so bad because me and this person were friends for many years and he treats my other friends better than he treats me..........the bad part is he had no real excuse for not coming, and he said he told my friend to tell me that he was sorry. I saw him the next day and he didnt even explain.......he is officially cut off. You dont put MY friends that I introduced you to before me and treat me like shit. Yeah...........I am done with that

So afterwards I went to my cookout and had a great time. Got some excellent gifts including the MP3 player I wanted. Got another oil burner (they are AWESOME!!!!!) and plenty of money that will be used to pay down credit cards and buying furniture.

That night I did nothing.....lovely ending

Sunday:

Went to another graduation it was long but very rewarding because my boy got his masters. Reunited with someone I havent seen in years. Think Ill call him soon. Saw a few names in the program that I once knew.........glad I didnt see them.

I dont really have anything else to talk about. Oh yeah, I might be going on a cruise in a few months, I really hope that goes thru..........Ok I guess thats it.

This week has been off to a boring start. I worked, and I am starting to dread going there the days I have to work. It's just the same thing day in and day out. I am tired of getting up super early on weekends so my coworkers can have a bitch fest or better yet play the "Who knows more information on their job so I can be a show boat" its sickening. I gotta find a better job, the thing is I have NO clue what I want to do. I like retail at the MANAGERS level, and even then that can be fusturating. All I know is that I've worked with a company last summer and it was the worst experience ever. I sat at a desk all day, we weren't allowed to talk, everyone there were snitches, and they followed people to the bathroom. It was horrible, but that was a reflection of management. It did give me encouragement to one day NOT be a boss like mine was. I am exploring a few options while looking for a job but nothing really pops at me. Tomorrow I plan to get my resume tweaked so I can post it everywhere.

So me and my roommate finally found somewhere to live :) I am happy but now I have to find furniture and that is no fun chore when you're broke..........but I know a way will be found

I am actually speechless right now.......waiting for the weekend to be over with........

COUNTDOWN: 3 days........wow

Another lovely night with my people........Went to the bar and acted crazy again. Cant wait to see where its all going to lead.

Well classes are officially over. This week was boring which is why I havent wrote anything up here in a week. Coming up next is finals and after that I graduate........and it has yet to really hit me. I will be a college graduate, it sounds so good but at the same time I dont know what to do with it.

So the highlight of my entire week was when I went to the special place with my buddies and such. That was the best time I had in my life. Bonds just get tighter and tighter when I go to that place. People are starting to know me there and its ok with me cause I know who I am and I am very confortable hanging out with those that do things different.........anyhoo I added someone to my hit list. Granted he was drunk, but hey you know people tell the truth when they are drunk. He was trippin hard!!! And he was getting too friendly with my "girls" he kept telling me to cover them up (keep in mind they werent even out) cause it was making him stare, Little did he know I did not care, cause I was flirting back. He just doesnt know that I am not the only one trying to get at him. Even thought I will never have a chance with him it is always good to dream. Me and my music buddy told my girl that if she doesnt jump on that we will beat her ass (she has a better chance at him than me or my buddy)........yeah its that serious

So I just got off the phone with my ex and he pretty much asked me to be back with him. Am I seriously considering it, yes. Am I ready to actually do it, no. I dont know. The love is there but I am not sure if I have the drive to start all over which what we have to do. We were together for 3 years in the younger stages in our life. 2 years have passed and we have come to realize so many things and I think that it will be different if I were to go back to him but I am not sure. Once again that is something that I will have to play out cause I will not rush that.

So as for the other guys........the one I met at Jillians hasnt called me since he left my apt empty handed. And I am not calling him.

I still talk to the one I met at Knickerbockers but not as much since I gave him that talk..........he is slowly but surely showing a different side of him. The side that says that I want a booty call with the possiblity of a relationship but give me the booty call now, the relationship comes later. All laughs

Well gotta go to work tomorrow. Night Night

So once again I am writing late at night I need to take my behind to bed somewhere.

Today was a chill day. I got to sleep in. Went to pay my grad fee which was $100. Damn that really did hurt me. I got audited for graduation and I am straight. I will be walking on May 7th. Still dont know what to do when I finished. I went to the outlets and I got an early mothers day gift for my mom and she better like it. I got myself a D&B wristlet for $25. The only thing is that its purple and I am not a purple fan but hey it was on sale and it is cute.

So I went to see Medea Goes to jail and it was off the hook like all of Tyler Perry's plays. I went to see it with my godfamily and my roommate. I was a tad bit disturbed because I had to find out that my godsister is pregnant with her 4th child and she is due in July. As much as I talk to my other godsister and my momma, noone thought to even tell me that. So I felt betrayed. My mom said that she just couldn't bring herself to tell me. I guess its cause she knows how I feel about the whole thing. Her children are the greatest, its just the fathers that she chooses. Only one that I know of is a real man, the other 3 just plain suck and she dont get along with them at all. It disgusts me becuase she continues to have make these babies by niggaz that she cant stand (I say niggaz cause they ignorant) needless to say that I am not surprised because it was a matter of time before she slipped up again but at the same time I am disappointed because I would think raising 3 kids is enough. I am really thankful for birth control at this point.

So my boy from work calls me and tells me something that has got to be the most disturbing thing in the world about my co worker. I wont say what it is but lets just say it has a lot to do with nasty acts with family members. I know his life is about to be hell because my coworkers are taking it and running with it

I had company tonight. I guess he thought he was coming over to get some but that was a negative. He left after an hour of talking about nothing. As usual he made a comment about my body. This time he said "you have a nice ass".........I just laughed. This is the same dudes than thought he was going to get some the first time I ever went to his house.

I am talking more with the other dude that I met last week. He too is facinated with what he sees which means he is doing everything in his power to get some. Even though I guess this guy is interested in me, it never fails with all the dudes that talk to me. They have all said the following words or something similar "You body is so nice, I just have to feel it  so I am sorry for my hormones." It is the same scrip different cast. It is funny now because it is all bullshit. Some dudes just need to know how to be discreet when being horny as hell, dont tell me some mess like that cause that tells me that you are into sex and nothing else. Its just all laughs now.

I talked to my ex boyfriend. I miss him. Not sure where it will go.

Ok that is all for today kids. Off to bed.

HOLLA~

This week is over and I am glad. Class is going ok. I am officially done with making pottery so that is a relief. Work is still work. I havent hung with my crew in a while. I am a lil perturbed with that.

So I have come to the conclusion that I am overprotective of myself. This guy acts like he likes me alot and I had to tell him that I would whoop his ass if he gets on my bad side. He reponded with "That is what chases dudes away" If you like me like you say you do, my threats would mean nothing. Not only that, I would never bring anyone physical harm. But I did let him know that every dude that has hurt me.......Karma got a hold of them. I do kinda like him but still on the lookout. Maybe I should apologize for the empty threat, naw...........it just means that I am no typical girl......or should I saw woman. Its almost 5am. Guess I should sleep huh.....

HOLLA~

So you can see by the last time I updated this thing that it's been a boring week. I cant even recall the weekend, oh that's right, that is becase I had no weekend. I worked on Friday and had fun. Yes I said fun. Friday night I slept. Saturday was supposed  to be my day of clubbin. Well I didnt get into the club I wanted to cause the line was so damn long. Iwas so pissed off that I didnt even bother to say anything to the guy that I met last week. He called me and said that I completly ignored him in line. Although I had an idea that was him (considering I've seen him once after the club), he didn't make no attempt to really speak which makes his importance null and void. I told him that if he doesnt really speak to me, I have no clue you are there. Anyway after waiting 30mins to get out of the parking garage I went to another club. Granted the music was cool, the people were wack!!!! I spent money to see people dance in the mirror.  I felt as if I was in the ghetto version of flashdance........yes it was that horrible. On a good note I met yet another person. And these are his stats. He is 21 years old from Chicago. He is in the navy and has no kids. I learned alot more about him but it was the first conversation and everyone tends to make themselves look good. So I'll keep you updates. He seems nice so far.

I am so mad I missed an oppurtunity to see John Ledgend. My people went out on a ghost tour and happened to see him on his tour bus on the way. Although I was a bit sad because I missed chillin with them and seein JL, there will be other ghost hunts.

Today was a rough day. It started at 730am. I had a morning meeting which was worthless as usual. Had to go back to work and it was dull cause I wasnt working with the right people. After 8 months of working there I was finally told that I wold be training in Customer Service. I did that for all of 15mins........it was alot to learn. 

I had to go to a ceremony after that. Since I was late I wasnt allowed to attend the first part. I would have been ok with that if the president would have been enforcing that all semester. He waits till the end of the semester to pull rank and I am a damn officer. I was pissed to the point of tears because I was embarrased and it wasnt fair. Once I walked in the room, everybody knew I was pissed. After it was all over people asked me why I wasnt allowed to participate and I said in a loud tone why. I said cause "Mr X all of a sudden wanted to enforce rules at the end of the damn semester" Ok so I was a bit ghetto on that but I didnt care. That was the last straw, Ive been dealing with issues of my organization for a while now and that was the pushing point. So from this point on I could care less about it. I will be graduating and I dont have to deal with it anymore. I hate people that pull rank at the wrong time for the wrong reasons.

Random event: I checked out these ladies (that happenedto be white) and she was buying the first Jill Scott CD. Granted that I love her music I told her how much I loved that cd. Well she got so happy and started talking about everyone that sings on the label (hidden beach) and got into a conversation on "The Roots" she talked about how much she loves them and I was so amazed. We even talked about how we both think ?uestlove is like the best drummer. She told  me that they are coming to concert this coming friday........lets see if I can call out of work so I can go. She goes to tell me that they are excellent in concert and was dancin hard. Apparently a black women got pissed and told her that a white woman shouldnt be jammin to this type of  music. So ignorant I thought. My point is that the love of neo soul (or any type of music) has no race. I wish I could talk to people like her all the time. Those are the true lovers of music

Alright Back to typing my paper

HOLLA~

Today was a whatever day. I slept in and then went to the lab. Had a better time cause I actually made something. Tomorrow I have to make a pitcher........let see how that goes.

After talkin and more talkin I have finally decided to rent Napolean Dyamite. So far its funny. I had to pause  it for family guy. I am about to play it again.

So I think I am about to have company but I feel like he isnt coming but we will see..........naw, dont think he's coming. I think I may go outside to just chill cause its a nice night. Wow this entry was a waste............guess it really was a chill day.

HOLLA~

Today my roommate and I continued apartment shopping. We found two places that we hope to live in. The only problem is the income. We'll make a way. Pray for us

I tried to do some more bowls in pottery considering they are due tomorrow but they all failed. I got so mad that I threw my clay on the ground. I hate that class right now. Fuck Bowls.

So the guy did call back today and apologized for making me feel uncomfortable. He really didnt cause little did he know I was game for it all. But me and my damn morals. I told him that I am over the whole "Call me when you want ass" b.s. He was cool with it and we talked some more. Somehow the convo led back to sex but whatever I can talk about that subject allllllll night........(wink). All in all he's an ok guy I guess but for right now I will be on the lookout for him at least I know who I can go to if I need a fix.